Free Falling

By Kelsey Dobmeier

This groom could make a nun swear. I meet with hundreds, yeah, you read that correctly, hundreds of engaged couples a year, but this groom has me on my fourth flute of champagne and I’m a lightweight. As a wedding DJ, I have the pleasure of working for a different boss every weekend, AKA the bride. I met with Sarah and her fiancé David a year in advance, helped them plan their idea of a perfect wedding and watched them charge the bill to their father’s credit card. I choose not to think about where the money comes from, as long as the deposit goes through before someone backs out.

Her father must have had to take out a second mortgage on their home because they were getting married at Searles Castle. This mansion in Windham, New Hampshire, is a standard bride’s fairytale. An nineteenth-century castle fit for a princess and her betrothed. Acres on acres of intricate stone work, lookout towers, spiral staircases, grand fireplaces in every room, and a severely pornographic statue of a man to greet you in the courtyard. I only work here a few times a year since the majority of couples that book this venue can afford a band and not me with my sound system I purchased off Facebook Marketplace. 

It is 3 p.m. on a beautiful Saturday in July and the ceremony starts in a half hour. I check on Sarah in her white dress to go over the day’s timeline and to make sure all her music is exactly what she wants for her entrance. I then head back down the grand stairway to deal with David and his groomsmen. This is the third time I’ve walked in to David downing another fireball shot with his friends.

“David, it’s time to get you guys lined up for the ceremony ... you gonna make it?” I say jokingly but I’m also really asking.

“I’m good to go, let’s do this!” he replied slurring his last word. If Sarah knew how her fiancé was spending his final moments as a single man, I bet she might rethink taking him off the market, but my rent is due so I need this wedding to go off without a hitch. I lead my intoxicated crew outside to the courtyard and send them one by one down the aisle. David is front and center at the altar and I can honestly say he didn’t look drunk from afar. With that as my only positive thought, the coordinator gave me the thumbs up and I began to play Sarah’s aisle song.

Anyone in the wedding industry will tell you that watching a father walk his daughter down the aisle is the best part of the ceremony. I disagree. Watching a groom’s face well up with emotion as he sees his bride in her dress for the first time, is the very best part of the whole night. But that wasn’t the case for this wedding. Although Sarah looked stunning in her long sleeve white lace dress, David appeared distracted. He didn’t seem to take her in until she was right in front of his face. Thank God they didn’t write their own vows and instead chose the “repeat after me” approach because I don’t believe he would have been capable of a speech.

In that moment a plane flew over head and the justice of the peace paused for the noise to subside, I however was reminded once again of my dream job. Why was I still DJing these events. For every wedding, I have to put on a customer service smile and acted as if this is what I want to be doing for a living, when I’d rather be flying a jet. I wasn’t supposed to be doing this for more than a year, yet somehow here I am booked out until 2020 with events.

It was a short ceremony and in less than five minutes, they were married. The bride and groom were taken away for pictures while their guests enjoyed cocktail hour. I used this time to go over the specific instructions Sarah gave me for her and her new husband's first introductions as husband and wife. I gathered the bridesmaids and groomsmen to line them up in a horseshoe fashion on the edge of the dance floor so when David and Sarah descended the staircase, they could go right into their first dance with their family and friends surrounding them. With a half hour left for cocktails, I started checking in with the main party to be sure that everyone knew where they were supposed to be. As the guests began to make their way into the grand ballroom, I made my way to the top of the grand staircase to get the go ahead from the newlyweds.

Sarah was sober as a gopher but had a noticeably irritated look on her face. She must be trying to guess the number of drinks her now-husband had consumed. As for David, he was cocked. “You guys ready for your big entrance?” I asked knowing how long this four minute song is going to feel like.

“We’re ready but can you invite our guests to join in half way? I think David’s had a few too many” she said with humor to hide her embarrassment. I made my way back down stairs to carry out her request.

I increased the volume of the music in the ballroom and introduced myself, “Hey everyone my name is Kelsey Dobmeier and I am going to be your DJ and master of ceremonies this evening. At this moment, I ask that you all rise for the reason we’re here today, our newlyweds Sarah and David Luzzi!”

The crowd looks up to the balcony and cheers while the intoxicated groomsmen start chanting “David David David!” I am waiting for David to escort his bride down the staircase, but instead he got lost in the chant and leaned over the banister throwing his fist in the air every time they called his name. I see Sarah try to steer him away from the balcony but instead, David throws one leg over and is now straddling the railing fifteen feet from the dance floor below. Sarah is a slender girl with clearly no control over her husband, before she knows it, both his legs are on the opposite side of the railing. With his groomsmens’ confidence that he can stick this and with both of his fists in the air, David jumps off the balcony. His knees were bent but as his feet hit the dance floor from fifteen feet above, his ankles shattered. I have no idea why, but for some reason I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face, I knew that after this wedding I was done with this job. It was as if the cracking noise his ankles gave off as they hit the dance floor was the sound of a new chapter for me. The parents of the groom were the first to rush over, then the parents of the bride and the wedding staff. With the way his feet turned outward during the landing, I knew he’d need medical attention. I began playing “Somebody call 911” by Sean Kingston but I guess that was too soon because no one else found that funny except for me.

The paramedics arrived within minutes and I cut the music. They loaded David on a stretcher and wheeled him out of the venue with his embarrassed wife by his side. The guests were still frozen in the places they were standing when he took his leap of false confidence.
Having done hundreds of weddings, I am prepared for what to do when a speech runs too long or the power goes out but I had no idea how to proceed on this one. I approached the father of the bride who was apologizing to the friends and family who had traveled far distances to celebrate his daughter’s future divorce. His face was a mix of emotions from furious to devastated that he’d never get the dance with his daughter every dad dreams of.

“Excuse me, sir, you paid me for the whole night ... would you like me to stay?”

“Yeah, my wife and I are gonna head to the hospital. Just keep the party going for everyone else.”

I went back to my DJ stand and continued to play for the rest of the evening. No garter and bouquet, no father-daughter dance, no cake cutting, no speeches … just a very expensive party and a very expensive medical bill. The guests spent their time passing judgement and taking bets on how long until the happy couple filed for divorce. I spent my time researching aviation schools closest to me and as if by fate, found one located an hour from where I live. I was ready to take the financial risk, and I was even more ready to put my wedding days behind me. Air Direct Airways is where I started a career that doesn’t feel like I’m ever going to work and I have David to thank for giving me the courage to jump.